Father… Father…


In the song Trophy Father Trophy Son by Sleeping With Sirens it describes the difficult relationship that Kellin had with his father. When I first heard this song I immediately burst into tears because of how much resentment and hurt I held toward my own father. I felt like this song really embodied my feelings towards the situation I had at hand.

My father. He is a VERY traditional and conservative man. Our opinions and perspectives are complete opposites which is why we ALWAYS clash against each other. It seems as if a simple and plain conversation can be turned into a full on war between us. 

When I was little my father traveled a lot but I don’t really remember it all that much. Then he lost his job and we moved from Texas to California. That year was the best I’ve had, relationship wise, with my father. We were extremely close and would always talk about absolutely everything. Then out of the blue he managed to start a buissness in the oil industry.  At that moment my life and relationship with him changed forever. 

He began to travel days at a time and the more work he got the more distant he was. When I had finally made a true friend in Cali it felt like life wanted me to feel pain. I had to endure the abuse from a close friend both physically and emotionally, I was betrayed by many other thought to be friends, and I lost the relationship I had with my father that year. We ended up moving back to Texas in order to see my father more often. Even though I did not want to leave my best friend behind I was excited to start a new life and the hope that was fluttering in my chest at the chance to reconnect with my father was immense. 

Let me tell you that being a teenager is hard for everyone. I myself as a teen have faced my demons and been through hell itself. Bullying from my fellow peers at school, betrayals from friends or rather thought to be friends, facing the challenges of being a teen as well as all the self hate I felt towards myself, and a family that did not understand. 

Since I’ve never been very brave I had to find another way to explain to my family what I felt and thought. I began to play songs that I thought explained my situation and each and every time it was immediately shut off by my father. He hated how I dressed and spoke. I felt like I was a true disappointment to him. I could see the way he looked at my sister with such pride in his eyes because she was, and still is, following in his footsteps. All while I was failing math, getting B’s, oh and of course everything else about me and my life was NEVER good enough for him.

My father is not a bad man. In fact he is a really great man, but as any human he has his flaws. I can’t speak for him or give you his backstory because that is not my story to tell, but I will say that in my opinion he has this picture of a perfect family in his mind. 

This image that he pictures is EXTREMELY DIFFERENT from actual reality. Yes my sister is a genius but she is more introverted than a snail. My mother is the most stubborn liberal feminist that you will EVER meet. And I? I’m well I’m an emotional teen dealing with mental health issues who has a boyfriend who is two years older than me and likes punk music. All in all we are definitely NOT what the “perfect” family would look like. 

The more I grow up and experience life the more it seems we clash. I have tried to reason and connect with him, believe me I have. It seems to me that when he asks me a question about my life he expects to hear a certain answer and when that isn’t given he gets mad at me! I think that is enough ranting on my part. Let me tell you more about what this song did for me.

After I was released from the mental hospital I played this song to my mom. She cried so hard and so did I. She finally knew part of what I felt. Whenever my father is gone and the pain of his absence turns into anger I immediately plug in my earbuds and put play to the very familiar song. 

For anyone out there dealing with family issues I would suggest finding something you love that lets your mind wonder somewhere that will bring peace to you. Music has been my escape and I hope one day everyone can find theirs.
https://youtu.be/xT-Q1bYIN8k

https://youtu.be/YIJYvdKTLx0

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