“Your thoughts become your enemies” although it may not seem logical that your own mind can betray you and torture you I assure you it is very possible. I often find myself staring into space and then my mind begins to wonder. Now you may be asking yourself what so wrong with that? just let me explain. When my mind wanders it can start off as simple as wondering why the sky is blue. Then it’s as if Tim Burton and Stephen King teamed up to twist my thoughts into scenarios that physically hurt me and terrify me. Strange I know.”When you’re locked inside this cage life can feel dead to me and all that’s left is rage”. At times I feel as if I’m trapped not only within my own mind but also in a life that I don’t want. This makes me feel like life is not worth living at times and other times it fills me up with rage hot enough to melt hell. I’m a ticking time bomb as I like to call it.
“Regrets for al the time we wasted thinking of ourselves holding on to pain you tasted living in this hell”. As I mentioned in my last article,Forever Memories, I have an extremely hard time moving on from my past and at times I hold on too tightly that I just end up in a cycle of never ending guilt and pain.
“Don’t wanna go back home tonight so I’ll drive this road alone”, at times the situations I find myself in are not the most pleasant or interesting and I find myself closing off and in a way being alone. It usually is not a good thing as my mind begins to wander.
“Stay alive for the good times stay alive through the bad stay alive for the hopes and the dreams the best that we ever had” is a motto I often find myself repeating when I feel sad or I have one of my depression episodes. It helps to remind me that storms may be harsh but they will eventually pass and you will get to the rainbow (that’s another one of my moto’s).
“I can take you from this god forsaken place”. I tell this to myself when I just want to escape. I never know what I’m escaping from but I have a good hunch that it’s myself. And who knows maybe I will move on and face life head held high.
“Your fear controls everything never lets you turn the page”. I’m often so terrified of the unknown and what’s to come. As I have already mentioned it’s because I don’t ever want to repeat my past.
“We only end up settling for when we both felt sane”. This part always makes me laugh because I feel like it’s the type of discussion my brain and heart have all the time. Problem is they haven’t settled so I’m not sane. I’m my amazing crazy and quite quirky self! This is both a good and a bad thing. I can be supper fun to be with or extremely annoying to handle.
“Reaching out for something that you can’t quite hold on to”. At times I hold on to this dream or hope for my life and my future that I forget my present. This makes it hard to focus on the reality I’m living in. This also causes me a lot of pain md heartache for having my head in the clouds.
“Say goodbye and start it over
When there’s nothing left for you”. After I was released from the mental hospital I realized I had to say goodbye to all my past mistakes and wrong mindset. I needed to push the restart button and begin my life again. I knew that going back held nothing for me and I just had to keep moving.
This song has been a literal life savior for me. When I thought I was done fighting and there was nothing left for me I heard Andy’s voice brought me out of my haze and reminded me that there is more to life than pain you just have to keep on living or you’ll never see it.